I wish to be more mature, wise and understanding. To be able to be resilient… Be able to swallow sorrow or pain, to be able to recognize there’s another side to the story, to be able to be okay not always being heard or noticed or understood, to see myself before my Lord and realize my place of being a wretched sinner and I have nothing to say before God who deals with me, sees me for who I am, continues to love me and never gives up on me even though I will never ever realize, notice or fully understand how much it took for Jesus to take on my sin. I won’t ever fully know, but God does not cease to show His grace and love. Who am I to say otherwise? To stay hardened in my ways and to feel I got shortchanged? Nonsense. Before God, I am utterly humbled.
I’m really broken…
But, God gives me hope. How is it possible, that God loves me, loves me so much to send His only son to die on the cross for my sins? But I am so undeserving, and I am so unworthy of such grace. Is there hope in distress, brokenness and sin? Can death overcome these? If I die would that be enough? No. I’m so weak. How could this be that God would love me? I am such a sinner, completely broken and lost. But God He comforts me. He reigned victorious over sin and death itself.
Wow… Don’t give up this fight because the victory is won. Jesus He said, “it is finished.”
I just want to be with God forever.
this is how i feel: I realize, going through penn is the most challenging road i have ever taken in my life thus far… just an on-going struggle.. wishing i would have it easy, not feel like im frantically running on the treadmill gasping for breath, fearing im going to fall off any second kind of experience.. the thought of why can´t I just leisurely go on the elliptical? ah struggles of penn, nursing, deadlines, my own anxieties, insecurities and everything in between.
Reminded to find joy of Christ in all that I do and commit to! With joy, there is no need to recognition or sense of burden, because it comes from genuine desire. “The bride (church) belongs to the bridegroom (Christ). The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is fully of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.” John 3:29
"For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess."
(Deuteronomy 30:16 NIV)
"But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." (1 Corinthians 11:3 NIV)
"A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. It is for this reason that a woman ought to have authority over her own head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God." (1 Corinthians 11:7-12 NIV)
"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” Amen. - Psalm 23
From my QT 10/9/2009 first semester at Penn.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." (James 1:2-8 NIV)
One of the best articles I’ve read in a while. And the timing could not have been more perfect. Excuses are always easy to come by. “I’ll travel later in life” is a classic. Mine has been, “I have to save up for grad school.” Not that this mentality has…
So amazing! Especially the link to World Race missions in the article is phenomenal. So exciting.
There is no better teacher than mother earth herself. You see, a tulip does not question its right to come out, it just comes out. A water spring does not ask, ‘Can I come out in this spot or that spot?’ It just comes out. It does not ask, ‘Is my water sweet enough for you?’ A bee does not ask for permission to sting when it feels in danger, it just stings. A volcano never worries about erupting, it just erupts.
So, what if you allow yourself the same clarity a tree has when it blossoms in the spring?
What if you allow yourself the same peace a waterfall has in its strength? What if you spread your wings in fullness without hesitation or fear? How will the air feel? Where will your heart take you?
”—Zainab Salbi, Scripps College Commencement Address 2012
"Coolness is a nonconformist balance that manages to square circles and to personify paradoxes… the fusion of submission and subversion.
Going with the masses is as uncool as being overly eccentric. It is not cool to take everything, nor is it cool to give everything away: it seems rather that the master of cool handles the give and take of life as if it were a game.” -Botz-Bornstein
how do I know the other person’s personal boundaries?
how to know the time and place to approach people, but also know when to take a step back at times.
how much energy is too much? or too little and bland?
how to show that I respect and appreciate people in a sincere and efficient way?
learning a lot, a ton. dc has been and is a tremendous learning experience for me, especially when it comes to managing relationships with people. already half-way now. end of week 5. i definitely want to use the remainder of the 5 weeks in dc wisely and fully!
Spice Girls came out w Viva Forever musical! So nostalgic thinking back to Wannabe days, totally jammin with my friends when I was like 7 lol
I used to be so obsessed buying their brand lollipops so I can collect all the stickers and I was sure proud of it!!! I remember being sporty I think, and getting my kindergarten friends to sing and dance to Wannabe together at ymca i think.. I remember losing the booklet where I was collecting all the SPICE stickers while moving back to Korea at the time 1998, and I was so devastated and heartbroken. I really loved Spice Girls.. They were my childhood memory idol band and wonder heroes. So nostalgic. Brings tears listening to the song.. :’)
Most importantly, I’m learning to accept reality as it is and not to take things too personally or emotionally. Also, I’m learning more about myself as a person, and how I can better manage my relationships with others despite differences and conflicts that may arise. I would say that learning how to navigate different dynamics in relationship is the greatest challenge and lesson I can take away from my OCA experience.
Thirty years ago, on the night of June 19, 1982, a Chinese American named Vincent Chin was celebrating his bachelor party. Two white autoworkers, angry over jobs lost to Japan, exclaimed “Its because of you little motherfuckers that we’re out of work!” After all were kicked out of the…
Sometimes, I can’t trust my feelings.. Because I can easily deceive myself or make myself believe that my feelings are all true and right. But there is so much more to life than what’s going on in my head.. I have to understand that nothing is really in my control, but that all things are in the hands of my sovereign Father and Lord.
"I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God." (1 Timothy 2:9, 10 NIV)
"The whole counsel of God teaches that our outward appearance should be a consciously designed reflection of our inward love for God and passion for His glory. God looks upon both the heart and the outward appearance. Since man can see only the outward appearance, how much more zealous should we be to live out love’s obedience to our Father’s external commands, that men may see our good works and glorify our Father who is in heaven!" - blog post
"Ask questions and then shut up. Let others do all the talking. Be interested in what they are interested in, and they will think highly of you."
why is this so true. i find this super interesting.
"It amuses me how backwards I’ve done things all my life. I thought I had to share how much I knew and how skilled I was to impress people. But the truth is they are far more impressed by how interested I am in what is important to them."
mind boggling. so true. my gosh, i needed to hear this last week. haha ah, wow… now i know.
"The best example I think of where someone got along especially well with folks with differing values is Jesus. Here’s a holy man, a guy who founded one of the largest religions of all time, and who did he spend most of his time with? Prostitutes, thieves, partiers - the rough crowd. The religious people of his day were scandalized by his associations. They called him a ‘friend of sinners.’
Those people were strongly attracted to Jesus and liked him even though he didn’t share their values. Why? Because Jesus was genuinely interested in them and their well being. He went through life with a passionate interest in others.”
Source from some blog I was reading.. Just makes me realize how much I have criticized and failed to love those who “sin” (in quotes, because it’s so ironic how much I sin myself) especially my own family members, rather than genuinely caring for them and desiring to see the Spirit transform and turn away from their sinful nature.
Really something to be said about how Jesus was best buddies with those who were ostracized and were least desirable, especially people who were far from being holy or religious. simply, Jesus was with those who needed him the most. But ironically, we all need him the most. because we are all sinners. yeah… kinda boggles my mind how my thought process used to be before. Hmm.. this is why I need to constantly read the Bible more and more. I lose sight of things, lose sight of who Jesus really is and what God turly desies, very easily.
Estando bajo el mismo cielo, en otros lugares.. Being under the same sky, in different places..
I’m singing my blues ooes ooo..
Blues- this song is stuck in my head..
I’m leaving for Korea in less than a month.. I can’t wait to get away, be in a new place, meet family esp newborn kids of my cousins in Korea! Hehe, see my dad, and come back refreshed.
누군가, 무엇인가를 그린다. 그 어디로 가면 그분을 만날까? 그 무엇을 경험할까? 그것은 진정 무엇일까? 내마음속에는 그 무언가 헤매고있다… 분명히 어딘가로 가면 그것을 찾을꺼 같고, 내가 지금있는곳과 생각들은 그저 한계를 느끼고 나의 시야는 참 좁구나라는 생각을 하게 된다.
In my mind, I’m searching for someone, something.. If I go somewhere will i meet this person? Will I find this something? What is that in reality? Does it even exist? In my mind, I’m constantly wandering to find and search. If I were to just go somewhere I feel I’ll find what I’m searching. Right now, I feel this limit as to where I am and where my thoughts are. I’m just thinking how narrow my perspective is currently.
I want to get out. And experience.
"내겐 꿈이 있다고 얘기하면서 게으르게 사는건 내 자신을 기만하는 일인것 같다." ethan chae
"It’s self-deceiving to proclaim to have dreams yet to live in laziness."
these two quotes from a friend, powerfully tap into the dormant side of my passionate, dreaming, and confident self, that i have seem to lose touch for a long while. it reminds me of my “Why Penn?” essay and the time leading up to applying to Penn. i think back then, i really had something in me that fired up and strongly desired to change the world, have a vision, and become innovative.
this past semester at home, i realize just how innately lazy i am. really. it blows my mind, to actually think, how much i am just wasting away time, energy, gifts, that could be put to good use. today, i finally cleaned my room of all the clothes here and there, just a plain mess. man, my room is sooo much more open, clean, and refreshing. i’ve been keeping these roadblocks that restrain the wheel to keep moving, just the physical mess in my room shows a lot of how i’ve been spending my time, mind, and energy.
things like waking up at noon if i have no reason to wake up, gaining 10 lbs since being home (lacking self-control with eating and not exercising at all), wasting days after days without clear goals or purpose for each day, i mean.. i think im hitting a point where i realize, this is not how i want to live and spend my time, wasting my energy and floundering blessings and gifts that God has graciously blessed me with.
i think bottom line… i need clear goals and purpose. dreams. vision. because although i am unbelievably and ridiculously lazy, i do think that God has given me something very special— a passion and desire to think bigger and explore outside of the box. need confidence and drive, “[pressing on] toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Phil 3:14
there’s so much i can do, not because of my own abilities or pride, but because God is greater than my sins and laziness, and he provides me with great blessings and gifts to serve His kingdom. it’s scary. but i want to and i do trust in my Father and Lord. ultimately, i want to be more faithful and productive in the daily responsibilities and aspects in my life, so that i can be faithful and productive in the bigger responsibilities that God provides to do His work, which is so much greater. it’s all related, because it’s about my attitude, character and discipline at the end of the day, to obey and follow to do God’s work or not.